Thursday, November 28, 2013

you have...

We are so close to meeting our little guy now and yet I am still struggling to find the words.  The words that are big enough, deep enough, meaningful enough to say thank you.  I've joked that thank you is something you say when you are handed a drink or passed the salt.  But this? How do you say thank you for this? I am struggling to find the thank you big enough to say

you have changed me
you have forever altered my definition of love
you have shown me Jesus
you have covered my family in prayer
you have held
you have fed
you have carried
you have listened
you have texted
you have emailed
you have called
you have sent a card
you have just shown up
you have loved my boys well
you have drawn pictures for our baby
you have strung lights
you have organized closets
you have traced hands
you have gathered
you have given selflessly
you have loved well

You have done all of these things and more, in ways that I have never felt so collectively. It is humbling and overwhelming in the best kind of way.  We have been carried by your out pour, by your love and most certainly by your prayers.

As we prepare to welcome our son tomorrow our emotions continue to rollercoaster, but we know we have this army behind us to rejoice when we are at the top and to weep with us when we are at our lows.  We know our family and our son are being lifted up constantly. 

We know what it looks like to see love being made complete.

Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.
1 John 4:11-12
We are eternally grateful for you. 

Monday, November 18, 2013

are you ready for a miracle?

I have had the Patti LaBelle/ LeAnn Rimes (think Bruce/Evan Almighty versions) in my head all day.

I have been and you all have been praying big things for our family and we started seeing them today!

Today was supposed to be our last doctor appointment day.  First at the perinatal specialist (the baby's doctor) and then on to my ob.  As you know, we had a c-section scheduled for Thursday, so this was it! The appointment at the perinatal doctor started just like any of them a nonstress test and the tech taking a long look at our guy. But when the doctor came in and started telling us what she was seeing that's when it got exciting. 

Y'all, the fluid in his abdomen is almost gone! Literally from last week to this week his fluid build up went from severe to normal. Normal! This greatly decreases the risk of the fluid putting pressure on his other organs.  The doctors aren't saying with absolute certainty why or how it has gone down but that it is a good sign that the intestine he has are most likely working. Huge Praise!

I love that the specialist even sent all of the pictures from today to her partner to get a second opinion because she was not expecting to see the fluid decrease so significantly.  She pulled up pictures of previous weeks to compare side by side while we were in the office and she was just stunned.

So this means we are going to let him keep growing, no eviction notice quite yet! No c-section this week! That is unless I go into labor. The doctors want to monitor me closely so I will have another appointment on Friday and again next Monday.  They still believe, at this point, that a c-section is necessary so I will get a new date from the hospital in the next few days.  The doctors are recommending the 29th or 30th and at that point we will be in our 38th week.

We still have a long way to go and so many more questions about his condition.  I have felt so restrained in my praise and just overall excitement over this news today but tonight I am just ready to abandon that.  This may be a small miracle in the grand scheme of his overall condition but tonight I just want to cry happy tears and give thanks and praise without worry of the future.  To celebrate today for the victory that it is!

So we will keep praying!  We will pray for miracles fully believing that we will see them in our boy.  Praying that his life will bring glory to His name. Praying Lord help my unbelief.  When I doubt your almighty power to save and heal help me to believe. Praying that my body can hold out for another week because man is this painful! We will worship Him and praise Him through it all.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for praying with us! 

Tuesday, November 05, 2013

almost time

It has been quite a while since I've posted and a lot of that has to do with the fact that we haven't really had a lot to update on. 

The nut shell is...
Our boy's condition is still exactly the same. 
Yet he is growing perfectly otherwise (estimated at 7lb 15 oz at 34 weeks, that is huge!).
This pregnancy has been hard physically. Really hard.
Matt is my hero.  He has taken over everything. And that's hard too.
We have been overwhelmed with love from our family and friends (so much so that when I try to write about it I can't find adequate words).
We are still filled with hope.
And the answer to the constantly asked question... Nope, he still doesn't have a name.

 My brothers wedding, Oct 19th
So now, after all of these weeks and this high risk pregnancy becoming normal life for us, he is almost here.  We are set to deliver by c-section on Thursday, November 21st at 9 am.  Folks, that is 17 days away! It seems unreal that we are already here.  
Our refrigerator is covered in pictures of his sweet profile.

As his delivery date draws closer and we work tirelessly on the to-do list, reality is starting to set in. We met with one of the neonatal doctors that will be overseeing his care in the NICU yesterday and it was a tough, emotional crash back to Earth.  We will be delivering a very sick baby.  The worst case scenario is still the worst case scenario.  If he doesn't have enough intestine to sustain life or if what he has doesn't work there is nothing that the doctors can do.  That is a reality I hadn't let myself think about in weeks or maybe even months.  On the other hand, the best case scenario remains too. If he has enough working intestine then there are a variety of options the doctors will explore. All of this will be determined in the hours and days after he is born. 

We are still praying for a miracle.  For a baby that is born healthier than we could have ever expected with his diagnosis.  For doctors and nurses to be confused and astounded by the miracle of his progress. For our hearts to find peace in the moment to moment uncertainty.    

Yesterday was emotional as we walked through the range of scenarios again but I find it no coincedence that when I went to practice G's memory verse for the week with him the Lord had a sweet gift in store.

Casting all your care upon Him: for He cares for you.
1 Peter 5:7

So this week, as my anxiety rises and fear tries to invade I get to focus on teaching a four year old just how much God loves us.  So much so that he wants us to cast it ALL upon Him.  And I get to hear G's voice repeat back to me what I so need to hear "Casting all your care upon Him: for He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7".

G wanted to take my picture at Home Depot.
His idea of zooming was to instruct me to put my head on my belly.